Sunday, March 23, 2014

She

she was wounded and torn, everything was over. Yet she stood there waiting, lifeless.
All the  conviction she had, had left her body.
She was dizzy now, she could fall any minute, and she knew Nobody would even come to hold her.
This thought made her angry.
She wanted to run, run with the strong winds, without settling anywhere.
She was ready she thought. Giving up all the materialistic things, she thought to her self
that she had enough,
in a minute , everthing turned black, her eyes opened to dust on the ground.
getting up, she managed her self. but that was it.
her steps fumbled. No more falling, she had promised herself, long ago.
What did she want? what was it?
it was driving her crazy.
She thought maybe she was selfish,
Maybe it was not needed.
But whether anybody liked or not she had created an echo.
Loud enough to vibrate the vacant walls of one's mind.
she breathed ! and put the arrow through his neck.

She dreamed of Paradise…




                        Sienna was in the room, with Dr. Gabriel. Corinth was worried about leaving her 8 year old daughter alone, with a psychiatrist. What could she do, after all, she wasn’t being herself lately. She had to do something.  Walking rigorously, in front of the closed door, she thought various things to herself.  Corinth, blamed herself and also thought, maybe her mind was playing games or she was over reacting to the situation. After all nothing was out of control. Her chiffon peach shirt was drenched with dampness. She looked out of the white walls, outside the window and gasped. The one- way road was over crowded with people and vehicles, and the smoke that had risen from the trucks and cars, almost clogged her thinking process.
                   For moment she talked herself out of thinking too much, but well, the one caught in the predicament understands her impasse. Sloppily, she tied her wet hair, into a lose bun and asked the lady at the Reception for a glass of water. The receptionist stretched her neck to look up from the counter and pointed to the water cooler. Corinth nodded and headed there with unnerved steps. Pouring the water into the cone, she took a quick gulp and looked at the vacant waiting room and thought that, it was in a way good to be the last patient; thankfully nobody would have to see her be uncanny. Throwing the cone in the dustbin, she quickly took a detour. Standing near the looked door, she tried to pick up a conversation, but she could hear nothing; instead she smelt the fresh paint on the doors. It almost went in her nostrils causing her to sneeze. Receptionist looking through her glasses, hinted her to sit down.
                  Corinth sat on the other side of the sofa, fidgeted with whatever she could see. Her eyes were still glued to the door and they often wandered to the clock hung above it. She realized it had been an hour since; she had left sienna behind the door. She was getting curious and impatient to know what was wrong, as a normal session would last for, anything between half an hour to a forty-five minutes.  Corinth started throwing questions at the receptionist in high decibels, which the receptionist answered in an auto toned voice and told her to calm down. She reassured her all was well with her daughter inside, as she had just gotten off the phone, with Dr. Gabriel.
                  Corinth went to the door to knock and realized it would be a bad idea to disturb. So she went back and sat on the sofa. Picking up the magazine, she flicked a few pages. The young girl on the cover page was wearing skirt, similar to what sienna’s wore that night. Her mind transported her to a week old situation, where it all began. Corinth wished her baby good night, closed the door and went to sleep, but that night she got up to drink water. After she had a few sips, she followed her instinct, to see her sleeping beauty. As she opened the door with sleepy eyes, she saw her daughter wasn’t there anymore. Where could she go? She kept her cool and searched high and low, but she did not find sienna. So, she immediately called her husband in Dubai, stating him the situation and eventually, busted into tears. Before she could disconnect the call, she saw sienna appearing from her bedroom. Corinth was tongue tied and did not say a word, just held her daughter and wept. After sobering, she asked sienna, where she had been? Scared and timid that sienna was, she couldn’t say a thing. Corinth had many questions that night but she drowned them. Let her conviction over the reasoning, and tried to get some sleep. Everything went on as normal the whole day, but Corinth made it a point to sleep with her daughter every night.
A week has passed by, and Corinth was hoping for a better week. Like the usual, Sunday was the story telling day. Sienna loved Sundays, plainly cause of this ritual, she curled around the pillows and waited patiently. Corinth began with a beautiful story of fairies, dwarf, ogres, talking animals, world inside a world, heaven and hell. She could see sienna had tinkle in her eyes and she was happier than the usual. Corinth was giving out the details of heaven and the angels who guarded those gates. Sienna heard the story with great vigor, but after she was done talking about the archangels and guardian angels, sienna interrupted her mother and said, in a amazed and disenchanted tone “Mumma, how did you know, heaven is exactly like that, cause only I have been there, Raphael hasn’t taken anyone there yet”. Corinth smiled and asked her, who Raphael was, Sienna said in a plain voice “you just described him to me”. Corinth looked at her in a lost gaze, something inside her was beating faster and her hands had gone cold. Corinth snapped out of it, threw the magazine and banged the door open, only to see that the room was empty again.

                                                                                                                 

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

SHE





There are times when she agitatedly searched for alternatives,
 She carried herself up, from the ruins and moved forward.
She often asked herself, endless questions and suggested naïve answers.
 The clutches of dominating power had pulled her back, restraining her movement.
She wanted to see the perfect past in the rusty mirrors.
There were times when she spoke aloud, shrieked, squealed even, till the lights had gone dim.
No soul heard her bleed.
Everything with the miasma clogged her reality.
Was there a certainty? 
Was there a punitive truth waiting to be unfolded?
 Was it really happening?
She with her last drop of conviction in herself, got up.
Her attractive countenance had camouflaged her obnoxious intentions.
Scathingly, without a thought,
 She swapped scissors on the only thing that holded her back.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

SHE




Yet another day, she seemed happy.
At least that's what everyone thought.
 How pristine, this girl was.
Everyone knew everything about her.
And she was still oblivious to herself.


Other’s said “beauty didn’t have a voice”.
But men wanted her, a voiceless pretty creature.
They had pried on her, till she was fallen
and wished till she was beseeched.
created ruckus till she had heard.

She had to put an end to the the 26 year old misery.
A decade back, she saw lustful eyes unbuttoning her sanity.
 and watched herself shiver in the shadow of moonlight.
gathering the only dignity left on the streets, she tried to move on.



Harrowing Monologue of nightmares kissed her night.
Since then she has been wandering stripped in the forest of thoughts; & has been entangled in those vines, .
She hasn't woken yet. She hasn’t spoken yet.
Night has always been a chaotic Din since then.
 The voice in her head are still very loud .
waiting to come out
just once,
maybe a last time.


Friday, November 22, 2013

Sometimes.



Sometimes, she looks at the mirror, and stares for too long,
Sips hot tea, and burns her tongue,
Giggles and goes abruptly,
Postpones and moves on.
Smokes and stays cold.

Sometimes, she wishes and regrets.
Makes friends and forgets,
Watches movies and lives a life,
Breathes oomph into a dull moment and doesn't hum a word for the rest of a day.
Motivates and sits down to bury herself,
Lives and dies at the same time.

Sometimes, she just wants the void too fill, Somehow, Someday.
Just sometimes, she wants to Smile and mean it.
Just sometimes, she wishes, she didn’t have to say ‘Sometimes’ ever again.